By the time we start thinking about quitting drinking, we are already alcoholics. We just don’t know it yet. There are a lot of things that we don’t know about ourselves until it’s too much of a problem to handle alone. By the time it becomes too much of a problem, we can be so far gone that nobody will get through anyway. This is part of the cycle of alcoholism. I was so desperate to get my life back, but it seemed like everybody that was trying to help, was getting in my way. How am I supposed to beat this when even my friends and family aren’t on the same page? I already knew that I didn’t want to drink anymore, but the people around me didn’t trust anything I said or did. I was fighting a losing battle. I’ve done almost everything in my life on my own, so I didn’t think this would be any different. To me, AA is bullshit. People go to AA to recover and leave when they relapse, then come right back. Insanity! I’m sorry, but I’d rather drink than go to those meetings for the rest of my life, and unfortunately, I had misplaced God in my life during my time as an alcoholic. AA wasn’t for me. Recovery seemed like a lifestyle that I did not want to live altogether. It’s a very scary place. I was stuck between knowing that my will to be healthy was already there, and all the opinions from people on the outside looking in. It’s not a good place to be stuck. They don’t know. That’s what I knew. They knew nothing relevant to the situation that I put myself in. When you’re an alcoholic, we tend focus on the act of drinking or NOT drinking which, has nothing to do with our addiction. I knew why I drank the way I did. It was the crippling anxiety that I hadn’t known until my late 20’s. That was the sickness I wanted to cure. I wanted to fix my anxiety and everyone else wanted to stop my drinking habits. So as much as I love my family and friends, I kept a fair amount of distance between us for a while, so I could heal. I realize that what you just read might sound dangerous, but I knew that if I wasn’t going to drink, it was coming from me anyway. I had to trust myself. I already knew that there’s way more going on in your head than there ever will be in reality. I knew which fight I was in and it wasn’t the one that everybody thought.
I was sober for almost a year before I really started to heal. I quit drinking in October 2016 and when I look at pictures from summer 2017, even my face still looked like I drank. By October 2017, I still wasn’t 100% sure I was going to be successful. I was still counting days and focused on not drinking instead of focusing on living life and being healthy. That all changed in late October/early November, when I learned to meditate. I had tried many times before but for some reason, this time, I just started to get it. I wasn’t curing alcoholism, I was fixing a problem that started long ago, before I even had a sip of alcohol. I know I was broken.
I meditated for as long as I could, which at first, was only a for few minutes, but I was getting it. After a couple of days, I was able to sit there and JUST BE, which allowed me to see some significant changes in the anxiety that crippled me and my personality for so many years. I was learning about me because I’m the guy that has been with me from the beginning. As my head cleared, a whole new world seemed to open up for me. I was able to keep challenging myself to get healthier. I challenged myself to lose 35 lbs. in November, and by January I was down to 193. Altogether I lost over 60 lbs., and completely changed the way my body was operating. In February, I read about being in Ketosis and what it can do for your body. It was right in line with with everything I was doing, and Wow! what a difference it made on my overall health. My mind has room to learn, so I’ve been taking advantage of it, and learning about the human body and human consciousness. Why does this matter?
It matters because 8 years ago, you were a completely different human, your body was made up of 100% different cells. The body regenerates itself over the course of 8 years, except for your neurons which are believed to hold thought and memory. There are 100 billion neurons in your brain, 100 million in your stomach (my anxiety caused burning stomach pain), and 40,000 in the heart. My thought is that your neurons are a main factor in rebuilding your body. Why would I keep alcohol center stage in my life? I’d just be stacking on more alcoholic type stuff into my memories. Here’s my take “If everything in your body regenerates every seven years except for your neurons (which may hold memory and thought), then you can change your body by changing your thought”. This is how I went about life, so I could leave recovery behind like I did with alcohol. I didn’t want to label Neil Firszt as an alcoholic for the rest of my life. So, if I could treat my mind properly, I could actually cure my anxiety, alcoholism and obesity all at once. It worked
I studied the works of people that are experts in their field. These people had no clue about my problems. They were just there to help. When someone doesn’t have an opinion about your life or the way you live it, it can be much easier to listen, execute a healthy plan, AND be successful.
Don’t listen to me. Instead, here are some people, and things, to Google that helped me:
Meditation. (Self Awareness)
Nutrition/Ketosis. (Body Changing)
How cannabis can help. (Seriously good for anxiety/ meditating)
Psilocybin/ Johns Hopkins studies (Shrooms are healthy and hopefully legal soon)
JRE #1085 w/ Paul Stamets (Loaded with information)
Dr. Rhonda Patrick (Latest studies and practical information)
Ben Greenfield (Extreme Fitness/ Longevity)
None of these people, nor the information they provide, has anything to do with alcoholism, addiction, anxiety, depression, or obesity on the surface… but that’s the point. I’m learning about healthy ways to take care of my body instead of focusing on alcoholism. I stopped worrying about counting days sober because it puts too much focus on the wrong thing. I hope you’re able to get out of recovery and back into society ASAP.