Your Conscious and Subconscious Minds, and Their Effect on Recovery.

Let me ask you a question. Why do you drink? Is it because drinking makes you full of life and outgoing? Maybe you love the way it makes you feel about yourself, or how it tastes, or smells. Could it be because it makes your life better than you ever imagined it could be? No. Don’t be ridiculous. If that’s the case, then why are you trying to get sober? You’re trying to get sober because alcohol has messed you up. You feel bad about yourself. You can’t stand how you feel when you drink. You hate the taste. You hate the smell. You hate looking at it. You want it out of your life, but you don’t know how to do it. Does that sound like you have a love for alcohol?
Your conscious mind knows that alcohol is bad for you, but you keep dumping it on to quiet it. What you’re really trying to do is to quiet your subconscious mind because it has all of those problems that you told it to store, and now it’s getting full. The bad part is that your subconscious mind is a lot smarter than you are, I’m talking about you as your conscious or thinking mind. You think that you’re behind the wheel but couldn’t be further from the truth. Your subconscious brain is telling you and your body that there is a problem in the form of anxiety or at this point, even cravings. It doesn’t crave alcohol at all, it needs to let out all the shit you told it to bury. At some point it wanted to release some of the feelings or emotions that were building, but you weren’t ready, so you drank. Just this once, no big deal. You put it off for a while, and when it wanted to come out again, you drank. You did this over and over until your body could not live without alcohol. Now you feel like you have to drink just to get through the day or certain situations in life. When the hell did this happen? Your mind and body have become so anxious that the thought of not having a drink scares you into a panic. You start shaking and realize that you’re not the one controlling your body anymore. Your subconscious mind is now controlling your body but the only thing you’ve fed it was sadness, depression, bad advice, and alcohol. You have not dealt with your issues for so long, that the subconscious mind can no longer store them, and your thinking mind is not equipped to handle all of the things you were storing. Another drink? You don’t need to focus on your drinking problem to fix it. You already hate the way you feel when you drink. We went over this a few sentences ago. Drinking has already made you feel like your life is ruined. You don’t want to drink, that’s why you’re in recovery. No, you don’t have a drinking problem. You have a YOU problem. That’s what needs to be fixed. You.
At some point, when you’re ready, you will have to take the time to take care of what owns you, because you sure as shit don’t own IT anymore. This thing that controls you is the monster that you built. You created this by not dealing with things as they came. And guess what. It’s probably not your fault. Somewhere along the line, you weren’t taught the life skills you needed to deal with the smallest of problems, so you had no idea how to deal with the biggest of problems. Don’t beat yourself up! The same thing happened to me. This is our weird existence and it’s amazing when we start to take action by looking into ourselves because we have a conscious mind. Sometimes we just have to clean out the attic. There’s nothing wrong with you. Nothing that can’t be fixed. You’re a human being that used the wrong medication because you feared some of life’s problems. You may have been a toddler when you learned how to bottle something up that scared you or made you angry.
Put your hand on your heart. Do you feel it beating? That’s not you that is making it beat. It’s your subconscious mind that’s controlling all of the functions of your body, including your nervous system, so you don’t have to worry about it. The problem is that you aren’t willing to let out all of the bullshit you’ve put in there for the past however many years because you’re scared and anxious. But your subconscious mind doesn’t know what to do with all of the problems that you stored in it, so it can’t function properly which means it’s not controlling your body the way it’s supposed to. Now you’re sick. Now you’re worried even more because you’re sick. Do you see the cycle? Why would you focus on the act of not drinking if you already hate drinking? That’s going to amp up your anxiety to 100 and make recovery nearly impossible. Any good psychologist will tell you the same exact thing. Don’t believe me? Great! Ask one, or hand this to a hundred psychologists (for objectivity) and see what they say.
The first thing to know is that you’re going to be okay. You must trust that you’re going to get through all of this because not trusting it will make it much more difficult. The second thing is, to do whatever you can to let out the things that are stored in a healthy manner. Exercise, mediation, learning about what makes you a healthy human, and even meetings or a simple but deep conversation with a friend. Here’s where I think AA is fine, but only for a short period of time. When or if you go, really try to listen to the pain that alcohol has caused people. Listen to all the mistakes people have made and all the damage that they’ve done to their lives. Be compassionate and feel their pain because they’re about to feel yours. I would encourage you to speak so you can hear yourself telling a story that you wouldn’t normally tell. Do this with people you trust as well, it will help put things into perspective. Remember that these people at meeting are strangers, and that they’re going through the same thing, so don’t be shy about your story. Make it count when you go because you don’t want to be the guy or girl that hangs around for fifteen years and comes because they’re addicted to meetings instead of alcohol. There’s nothing wrong with that person per say, but I’m willing to bet that you didn’t have that on your list of what I want to be when I grow up. So make this temporary. Being addicted to meetings can be hard on the mind. Here you are, barely able to deal with your own problems and you want to live in the problems of others? No, you don’t. Use AA as a reality check from time to time. As the saying goes, everything in moderation. People want you to be miserable with them, so try not to make this your anchor. It’s a strange part of human nature. Meetings should be used as a tool to help you feel again, not as a lifetime anchor that never lets you leave.
You might not believe it, but you’ve been burying feelings, and holding them down for so long that your emotions will either hide or come out in an excessive and unhealthy way. Neither one is normal. It’s science! Hiding what you’re feeling will work against you 100% of the time, because you don’t give yourself the ability to deal with what’s bothering you. There are healthy ways to have emotions, and getting angry, or covering them up by getting drunk are not the way to do it. I cried, and I also laughed at random times while I was meditating. I was able to let myself just be and not wrestle with the oncoming emotions. I just let them out as they wanted to come. Don’t judge yourself and don’t wrestle with your sadness or fears, it’s not helping. I gave my emotions zero resistance and just let them flow without judging any of them. I didn’t know exactly where they came from all the time, but it didn’t matter, I was just letting go. Each time I did this it felt like 100 pounds were lifted off my shoulders and the only thing I did was just let it go. Don’t just concentrate on the stupid things you did while you were drinking, but instead let yourself feel how scared you were when you decided to quit, then work backwards from there. Each time a memory pops up, don’t try to fix it or wrestle with it, just let it do it’s thing and if you get scared, that means that you’re on the right track. You’re only scared because you didn’t let yourself be afraid before, your body is learning how to deal with it. Don’t worry, you’re safe as long as you’re not drinking. Surround yourself with people that truly love you. Sometimes you may find out that someone you thought loved you, really doesn’t. Sometimes people want us around because our problems make their problems seem smaller, thus your pain made them feel better about their own lives. These people will tell you things that actually go against recovery, just so you don’t pass them up in the happy department. They will use your pain, suffering, and bad decisions as an anchor for their own ways of dealing with their own problems. Those people need to either support what you’re doing, or they have to go. You’re trying to get healthy! You’re not trying to make a healthy person feel better about themselves. These will be the same people that call alcoholism a disease but are against treating it with medicine.
Speaking of medicine, if your doctor prescribes pills like Xanax or Klonopin, it’s time to find a new doctor. Benzodiazepines are ALCOHOL IN PILL FORM and will mess you up like never before. I was prescribed these medications when I first got sober for three years, and when I tried to quit using them, I had seizures. Again… not normal. That is your body literally kicking and screaming telling you that what you are putting in your body is BAD, and it doesn’t want it. But that’s just science talking, not me. Look it up. Thousands of studies have been done on better medications, and most of the ones that work without harmful side effects come from the ground. They are always natural and healthy ways to help you recover quickly and safely, and they’re becoming more available (or legal) every day. Bill Wilson, the founder of AA, used LSD and psilocybin mushrooms to help him recover from alcohol. Why don’t people know this? Probably because there’s not much money in it. It’s not a ridiculous conspiracy theory, it’s just a fact of life that you can either change or accept. It’s 100% up to you. Just like your life and what you do with it.
Don’t listen to me, listen to yourself and google what’s healthy and makes you feel good. Become a vegetarian or a vegan. Go the other way and get on the carnivore diet or a ketogenic diet. News flash: It’s up to you to do what makes your body feel good. A year after I stopped drinking, I finally ended up doing a keto diet and cutting out sugar and processed carbohydrates because alcohol also processes as sugar, so I didn’t want my body to operate like that anymore (science). I wanted my body to burn off the stressed fat and function properly. Would you like to know what happened? Great! I’ll tell you. I lost over 50 lbs. in a little over four months and my body stopped craving alcohol because I’m burning fat instead of sugar. There was no need to crave it anymore because my body was functioning properly. I even wrote a book about it because it works so well. Diet plays a huge role in recovery, so find one that’s right for you. The placebo effect of changing your diet alone is healthy. Do you want to struggle with alcohol or would you rather be more concerned about how to be healthy and how to live longer? Now you’re focusing less on not drinking and more on life and how to live. There will no doubt be people that disagree with what I’m saying, and that’s fine. You can do your own research and find out that I’m making sense.
This got a little long, so I’ll end it here for now. Just know that there are plenty of ways to recover and it doesn’t take a lifetime to do it. Thanks! Have a POWERFUL day!

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