If you had a chance to take a substance that would tell you exactly how you were feeling so you can deal with those emotions right then and there, would you use it? “Have you learned about the importance of knowing how you’re feeling or why you’re feeling a certain way yet?” might be an even better question. I never really thought it was important to take time for myself until I was having a third seizure from alcohol withdrawal and was almost out of options. At some point shortly after that seizure, I realized that my drinking was coming from anxiety caused by my desire to hide who I was, or more accurately, who I created, and not dealing with the stress that I was putting on myself was causing serious harm to my health.
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How did I come to the conclusion that anxiety and stress were the causes of alcoholism? Every decision I was making was physically painful in my body, and every thought I had sent me into a mass panic that I could not control, so I would drink. The only logical thing to believe was that I hated who I was, and that I was trying to run as far away from myself as I could, by drowning out reality with alcohol. Even though I knew in my mind that I didn’t want to drink anymore, my body would fight me when I wanted to change because, by continuously drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, I was training my body to believe that it was normal to be heavily medicated. My solution to fix it was to look inside myself by meditating, but it was hard to calm my mind being an alcoholic because it was always racing at a million miles per hour. When your brain gets to that point, it’s almost impossible to even know what to feel. That’s where cannabis is more beneficial than we may think.
I needed a solution for the seizures, but I didn’t agree with the Gabapentin the doctor gave me because one of the side effects is an increased risk of suicide. Instead, I started smoking marijuana, going against what the doctors told me and when it started working is when I knew that most people, even doctors, know almost nothing about addiction and recovery. The marijuana didn’t just help with seizures, it did something else, that for me, was entirely unexpected… it started telling me what was wrong emotionally.
The first few times I smoked were absolutely terrifying because my body was used to running from emotions instead of facing them. I knew that marijuana heightened your senses but never realized how special that really was. The paranoia and fear weren’t coming from the weed, it was coming from me, and the weed was just helping it present itself to me. I started being able to judge how I was feeling internally, allowing me to have a completely different perspective on my life. When we can create the intention of what effect a substance is going to have on our body, it will have a far greater rate of success. I’m creating an intention of letting go of negative energy, anxiety, and stress, and with just a little work, the benefits can be amazing.
Try this the next time you smoke, sit there, close your eyes, and let yourself feel all the feelings the weed is helping present to you, both emotional and physical. Pay attention to the tingles and the feeling of space and energy around your body. Put your attention on your feet, then your legs, torso, and upwards, and just let yourself feel all the little things your body is doing. Breathe in, let the air fill your lungs and then feel the energy transferring around your nervous system. Think of good things that make you happy with the goal of filling your heart with love and gratitude, especially when you’re able to let go of something negative. Remember that you don’t have to have a solution to any of your problems right now and that you can sit there and just be. When your usual negative thoughts come around, calmly realize that right now, the outside world can do without your attention, and go back to putting your attention on yourself. This whole time, you’re really just chilling while your high, but instead of Facebook, politics, and other noise, you’re putting your awareness on you… where it belongs.
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If you described a pill that has these effects to someone, I’m sure they’d gladly pull out their cash and pay top dollar for an experience like that. The good part is that we don’t have to risk trying some new pill to help us relax so we can get in touch with ourselves. Combining marijuana and meditation has proven to take my anxiety away much faster and more effectively than just about all of the garbage in the pharmacy.
If creating an intention when you smoke sounds a little weird, think about how weird it was the last time you had a panic attack in public that came out of nowhere, or when you embarrassed yourself over an irrational fear of some kind. Those things happen because we are so focused on what to watch, buy, sell, listen to, search, scroll, argue over, debate, etc., and never take a look at how we’re feeling emotionally as individuals. I’ll take smoking weed and taking time to shut off the outside world from my consciousness any day over having another embarrassing public panic attack.
I started doing these pot meditations because I thought it would help me recover from alcoholism which I knew was linked heavily to my anxiety and also, 100% curable. Doing these meditations have helped me uncover some of the scariest emotions that I was holding onto that were causing my anxiety. I had anxiety because I wasn’t letting myself deal with any of the emotions from my past, and smoking weed has helped me bring them to the surface. Going through these misinterpreted fears with my forty-year-old brain vs. let’s say, my five-year-old brain, has allowed me to see how dangerous not facing your feelings sooner rather than later can be. You don’t have to hit rock bottom to start paying attention to who you are and who you truly want to present to the world.
That’s a pretty big benefit to me and my life, and to anyone else that is willing to take a little time out of their day for themselves, and it’s not just coming from smoking the plant. It’s a combination of the human mind and body working together with something that comes from nature that has the intention of healing, and none of the side effects that come with pharmaceuticals. I didn’t just set out to cure my alcoholism, I wanted to find the most effective ways to heal the stress and anxiety that caused my alcoholism and share what I’ve learned with the goal of helping people heal themselves in their own crazy stressed out lives.
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This is such an important part of the process of recovering from alcoholism for me because it deals with the things that cause alcoholism like the stress and anxiety that we may not even know about because they may be trapped emotions from childhood that we’re holding on to. Trapped emotions don’t have to be a traumatic event. A trapped emotion is more often than not a misinterpreted fear we had as kids that we never dealt with properly. We end up taking that misinterpretation and base our decisions on that fear as we get older. After a while that fear begins to grow, and stack on top of more fear and more worry, then our decisions make less sense because they’re based on a fear of something that we’re not aware that we’re afraid of. Do you ever feel like you can’t do anything right? It’s because we keep making the same fearful decisions in certain situations and we don’t even know it’s happening.
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Try taking about a half-hour a day to shut off the outside world and see what happens. Smoke some weed, be with yourself, and I’m willing to bet that much of your anxiety will start to disappear in a few days. And just an F.Y.I., if you’re not into marijuana, this works just as well without smoking, but the pot makes it easier for me to get into a deeper state. Try it and see what you think! Leave some comments below.